My family is very well educated in personality types. Growing up, we talked frequently of our personality colors and used our "codes" to explain, justify, understand, or even predict our behavior and personalities. To be brief according to these personality codes, we believe each of us has a primary motive and possibly a secondary one as well. Blues prefer intimacy, not physical, but relational. For example, they tend to be very caring, sensitive, and emotional people. Reds prefer control of their surroundings and tend to be thinkers, bold, detail oriented, and organized. Whites prefer peace and tend to be quiet, fearful, giving, and taken advantage of. Yellows prefer to have fun and tend to be carefree, energetic, flighty, and the life of the party!
I'm sure it only takes you seconds to realize I am Red, but what you may not know is that I am a very close secondary Blue. I was actually more Blue before I was married, but I married such a predomenant Blue that most of my Blue has gone into hiding. The point of this entire post is to express my frustration with my personality; Red Blue.
Do you get frustrated with who you are at times? Well, I most certainly do. I struggle with my personality all the time. Because of my deep Red personality I tend to choose to organize my surroundings, i.e. maintain control, over going out and just having fun. I have to actually make myself have fun sometimes. I know it sounds weird, but it's true. I am not normal. For example, while you are watching your favorite Jane Eyre movie, I am organizing my spice drawer (which I will post about another time because it is now the highlight of my kitchen.) Or, the real root of this post, since I am first Red, second Blue, I occassionaly spout off my mouth in a Red fashion and then seconds later with my Blue side, recognize the very possible offensive comment and tone I have just naively used. Immediately after this and for many hours to come, I feel regret, frustration, and embarrassment. I hate that I can so easily offend people with such abrasive and sharp words and actions and not even realize it until after it's already done. Hence, this post!!!
It reminds me of one of my favorite movies; "You've Got Mail!" Meg Ryan talks previously with her email buddy about how she wishes she could use more "zingers" or in other words, be more Red.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAAgpIo7LdA
The truth is I have this gift already, except mine usually comes across as just meanness. Notice how she feels after she is able to say what she thought she would always want to say in her zinger. She feels sad.
Last night, at a large gathering I attended, I felt this sadness since I fear I may have offended others and have had a hard time relaxing ever since because first and foremost I am more worried about the relationships that may suffer as well as the hurt I may have caused. Specifics aren't realy important. I just felt like venting and asking the universe, "Why do I do these things?" I try to control myself and surprisingly to others I actually do control a lot of it, but there always seems to be a little peep hole where some of my offensive personality just leaks out! I hate that part of my personality. I know there are many positives to my personality, but I sure do get frustrated with my weaknesses, as I'm sure do many others. Regardless, I'll keep trying, but please keep forgiving!
7 comments:
Oh Mandolini, how I so relate to this post! Even though my issues are different from yours (I sure wish I had more of you in me!) I totally know what it feels like to be frustrated with my lack of control over the same old flaws I've been trying to overcome for years.
If it's any comfort, I think you're great and I know you well enough to know that you would never ever intentionally hurt someone else. I didn't have any problems with you last night. And, I'm so busy trying to keep my head above my own weaknesses I rarely notice anyone else's these days. Love you.
Being totally red/yellow myself, I FREQUENTLY throw my opinion out there. And then I think, "Wow, maybe so-and-so thought that I was implying that she was stupid/naive/insert negative word here."
I find that the best thing to do is to call so-and-so and say, "You know, I was thinking about what I said last night, and while I truly believe that the sky is blue, I didn't mean to imply that you were a moron because you are convinced it is teal. Forgive me. I really do embrace differing points of view."
You get the idea. I totally feel your pain. The best way to get that terrible feeling to go away, is just to confront is head on. Peace be with you!! :)
Yeah, Mandolin, I'm right with you. I'm struggling with this right now myself. Good luck!
What a great post! I am definitely white...but since I married a white, I have turned red...I really would like to insert a speed bump on my tongue so that before words came flying out they'd have to pass over a filter or something. I think reds have a lot to offer...but it is definitely frustrating! We talked about personalities a lot growing up too..brings back lots of memories. I say embrace the red! People can't be offended if they don't take offense, right? I know, easier said than done!
Oh man I wish I understood all of the personality colors and lingo, maybe it would help me understand things about myself and relationships that would be useful to know. I think everyone feels this way, I know I am always critiquing myself and telling myself "I should have said this..." or "why did I say that?" and hoping whoever I was talking to didn't take me the wrong way.
Mandonlin Bell Martini,
You may have a big personality, but you are kind and sweet and wonderful, far more than you are 'red'.
We all make mistakes in communication, yours just happened to be overt.
I love you,and I'm sure whoever you're talking about does too!
I don't know what is wrong with having a Red Red personality. Bell-let me tell you this-you have been Red your whole life and I have loved you your whole life. Surround yourself with those of us that love you and to hell with the rest!
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