Within the last few months because of wonderful lessons and general conference talks, I've felt like I really need to not only live the gospel, but share the gospel with others. While I've always had a desire to share the gospel, I daily feel so overwhelmed in merely trying to accomplish the basic tasks like reading my scriptures, doing the dishes, attending to my children and husband, etc. Well, as I mentioned, a few weeks ago a wonderful Relief Society Lesson drew the last straw that broke the camel's back for me and my so called desire. I knew I had to make a change and actually do something with my good-for-nothing "intentions!"
I put the task of buying some Books of Mormon at the Distribution Center on my "to do" list and finally days or weeks later I did it. I had to tell myself, "it doesn't matter that I had to keep rewriting "buy Book of Mormon" on my list each time I started a new list and threw away the old one. What mattered was, I actually stopped one day, walked into the store with my children and purchased the books, no more intentions, just progress!
Ok, so now I had to do something with these Books of Mormon. Hmmm? I had already decided that I would give one to a neighbor friend of mine whom I had recently befriended and learned of his troubling life situation. In our few discussions it became apparent to me that he needed the companionship of the gospel, as if anyone out there doesn't, and I wanted to be the one to give him the knowledge to be able to gain it in his life. Well, wanting to do it and actually doing it (again that naughty word "intentions") are two different things.
As I listened to the Conference Talks I realized how grateful I am for the gospel and The Spirit in my life and how selfish I was being by not just marching over to my new friend's home and sharing with him what I treasured so greatly. It seemed so silly to me because I don't hesitate near as much to share recipes, shopping ideas, gardening tips, children (play dates), etc. so why in the world would I hesitate so greatly to share what means the most to me? Well, maybe besides or equal to the children? Because it's just plain scary and intimidating, that's why!
So over the last few weeks I spent a little bit of time here and there highlighting the sections in the Book of Mormon that I felt were appropriate for my friend as well as part of the beautifully written Ensign focusing only on Jesus Christ which came out last March. Once this was done I placed the Book and magazine on my kitchen counter because I knew it would sit there until I disposed of it, i.e. gave it to my neighbor. It sat there for a few days and then I had had it (the craving to be clutter-free finally got the best of me) and after finding myself child free for a moment, decided this was it. The time had arrived.
But then all of a sudden, thoughts and questions entered my head so quickly I couldn't even answer them;
"What if he doesn't want to hear what I have to say?"
"He lives in Utah, he's probably already heard all about us Mormons."
"What is he doesn't even believe in Jesus Christ, then what do I say?"
"Is he going to think I'm pushy and crazy?"
"I really like this guy as a neighbor and my kids really like his, what if he treats me differently after I give him these books?"
"Is he going to try and bash with me?"
"What do I even say to start the conversation?"
"How am I going to turn a random uninvited knock on his door into a spiritual experience?"
"Ahhh...I'm scared."
Finally, I told myself. This is ridiculous. I asked myself, "Do you believe this?" "Yes, with all my heart!" "Do you truly believe this book contains the truth and everyone should be so blessed as to read it sooner, if not later?" "Yes!" "How could you have gotten through life over the last recent years without the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ?" I couldn't, well I would have, but I wouldn't have managed with such faith and happiness without the gospel. "Ok, then don't worry about the details of the conversation. Say a prayer and Just Do It!"
One of my favorite movies of all times is "Transformers", the first one. I love the part where two of the main characters are trying to decide if they should get into BumbleBee, his car, after realizing that he, Bumblebee, is not just a car, but a live alien robotic transformer. They only have seconds to decide because the Evil Deceptacon Transformers are chasing them. The main character tells her to get in with him and she wants to refuse and says, "Why? Are you crazy?" He then turns to her, reaches out his hand and says, "Because 50 years from now when you look back on your life don't you want to be able to say you got in?" She then jumps in the car and the story continues excitingly.
The reason I interject my own story with a scene from the movie, "Transformers" is because at that moment in time, as I'm looking out my window to see if my neighbor is home, those words came into my head. "When I look back on my life, days, weeks, months, years from now, don't I want to be able to say; I did it. I gave my friend what mattered most to me?"
Well, that was it. I didn't have any more excuses. I said my prayer and walked out the door, book, magazine, and faith in hand and heart!
I knocked on his door and he approached with a smile. We greeted and then I asked him if he had a minute I could share something with him. He was very gratious and came out to sit on his steps with me. I explained to him that something he had said to me a few days ago as we were chatting in front of our houses had really stayed with me. So much that I had really thought about my own current trials and the benefits of the gospel for me in my trials. The conversation contnued including a brief discussion of his familiarity with the LDS faith as well as his religious beliefs. I further explained why I had brought the book and magazine to him and highlighted parts as well. I even read some of it to him right then and there and expressed my feelings, i.e. testimony in the very book and gospel. I didn't formalize anything. I just merely explained how Jesus Christ and His gospel has given me peace in my life during times of trials and I wanted him to have the same peace in his life.
He was very gratious and accepting. Whether or not he wanted to know more, I don't know. I do know however, that he was grateful for my sincerity as well as my desire to show I cared about him and his situation. He was truly touched and it felt great to be able to share with him what has touched me most in my life! The conversation ended with casualties and much gratitude from him towards my efforts to care for his well being and then I was on my way back home.
It was over. I had done it. I can now say that I did it and it wasn't even as scary as I had made it out to be. What is strange to me as well is that all of those fears are coming from a return missionary. Someone who did this for 18 months every day! Every day! But this was my neighbor, someone that I cared about and had to say see each day hereafter. It was somehow different, but just as important.
As I walked home, I wondered what he would do with the materials I had given him. If he would actually read them? But even with all my questions, I felt at peace. I knew that I had done my part and at that instant that was what mattered. Whether I was planting a seed or about to watch the work bear fruit in his life was unknown to me. I was just grateful I could now look back and say hypothetically, "I got in that alien robotic transformer car!" I gave my friend what matters to me most; my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ! And surprisingly, I can't wait to do it again.
It's a good thing I bought multiple copies of The Book of Mormon because who knows when I'll make it back to the Distribution Center again with kids in tow.
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